Thief Steals Obama Signs to Keep Neighborhood Safe

Jill Green's Obama campaign signs kept disappearing from her Florida yard, and she had no idea who was taking them or why. She still doesn't know the identity of the culprit, but at least she knows the totally reasonable explanation, thanks to a postcard she got in her mailbox explaining that the thief grabbed the signs to keep the neighborhood safe. You see, "it is common knowledge amongst burglars that Democrats are anti-gun and anti-Second Amendment so when [criminals] see campaign signs that promote Democrats they know the homeowners are not armed and therefore unable to protect themselves from attack," the postcard explains.

And there's more: "When thieves drive through Sapphire Shores scoping out possible targets and see pro-Democrat yard signs they automatically assume that the subdivision" is loaded with "half-wits," reads the postcard, which features a picture on the front comparing "Hero" Ronald Reagan to "Zero" Barack Obama. "The gangsters think it's easy pickings because they already know that if a person votes Democrat they probably don't have the sense to come in out of the rain, not to mention locking their doors or securing their valuables." Green, to whom the card was addressed by name, tells ABC 7 the whole thing is "creepy." (More Election 2012 stories.)