Could the Burglars Have Survived Home Alone?

Home Alone is a modern Christmas classic—but, as Lauren Hansen points out in The Week, it requires quite a suspension of disbelief. Could the "Wet Bandits," played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern, really have taken an iron to the face, a blow torch to the head, and all the other injuries meted out to them by Macaulay Culkin's Kevin McCallister ... and remained standing? Hansen gets an actual doctor, Dr. Ryan St. Clair, to give his professional opinion:

• Stern smacked in the forehead with an iron: He probably would have had bones around his eyes fractured, and if not treated properly, could have ended up seriously disfigured.
• Pesci's scalp gets blow-torched: Considering Pesci remains under the torch for a good seven seconds, he would have ended up with skin and bone tissue so damaged he might have needed a transplant.
• Both burglars take paint cans to the face: They likely would have been knocked out, and St. Clair notes, "I wouldn't expect either of the Wet Bandits to walk away from this with all of their teeth."

Click for the doctor's assessment of the rest of the injuries. (More Home Alone stories.)