Navy: Cap'n Crunch Not a Real Officer

Cap'n Crunch is under attack. "We have no Cap’n Crunch in the personnel records—and we checked," says the director of the Navy's news desk at the Pentagon. No, really. It's in the Wall Street Journal. "We have notified NCIS and we’re looking into whether or not he’s impersonating a naval officer—and that’s a serious offense," he added.

The baffling comment comes after an Internet faux-controversy, sparked by several online commentators pointing out that the iconic cereal mascot actually sports the uniform of a Navy Commander (three bars on his uniform), rather than a Captain (four bars). The "real" so-called Cap'n has taken to Twitter to defend his honor. "All hearsay & misunderstandings! I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew, which makes me an official Cap'n," he tweeted. (More Cap'n Crunch stories.)