5-Year-Old's Self-Penned Obit: 'See Ya Later, Suckas!'

The funeral of Garrett Matthias, who died of cancer, will include snow cones and bouncy houses
By Jenn Gidman,  Newser Staff
Posted Jul 13, 2018 7:06 AM CDT
5-Year-Old's Self-Penned Obit: 'See Ya Later, Suckas!'
RIP, Garrett.   (Getty Images/nazdravie)

A funeral with snow cones, bouncy houses, fireworks, and a fiery burial ceremony straight out of Thor will be held Saturday in Van Meter, Iowa, and it's all the brainchild of the child who will be honored there. The Des Moines Register reports on the recent passing of 5-year-old Garrett Matthias, who died July 6 after a nearly yearlong battle with a rare, aggressive cancer. Over the past few months, Garrett and his parents had some frank discussions about death, and at one point Garrett noted, "Why are funerals so sad? I'm going to have bouncy houses at mine." An idea was born, and together the family started planning Garrett's send-off when his cancer was declared terminal in June. That included writing Garrett's obituary, which he helped his parents with by answering queries you might see on an "about you" questionnaire.

The now-viral obituary details his favorite superheroes—including, of course, Thor—things he loves (playing with his sister, thrash metal) and hates ("dirty stupid cancer"), and what he would have wanted to be as an adult: a pro boxer. It also lays out what he intended to do once he died. "I am going to be a gorilla and throw poo at Daddy!" he notes, adding he wanted to be "made into a tree so I can live in it when I'm a gorilla." His parents say they're going to do just that, "once [they] figure out how the hell to get his ashes made into a tree." Garrett's final signoff on the obituary: "See ya later, suckas! The Great Garrett Underpants." "Those are his words verbatim," dad Ryan Matthias tells WHO. "When I read it, I'm just like 'wow.' Sounds like Garrett just yapping at me." A GoFundMe for the Matthias family has so far raised more than $33,000; Garrett's full obituary is here. (Read more obituary stories.)

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