How We Get bin Laden: KFC's New Double Down

Fed up with all haute cuisine? Foodie babble? An organic garden at the White House? KFC looks to have just what you need in the Double Down, a bacon and cheese sandwich in which the bread is replaced by fried chicken fillets! “Forget food porn,” Scott Gold writes for the Faster Times. “This is food weaponry.” Osama bin Laden, you’re on notice.

“Do you know how much meat a terrorist in the mountains of Afghanistan probably gets to enjoy? I’m guessing very little. Yet here we are, advertising sandwiches big enough to choke a manatee,” Gold salivates. “And we wonder why the terrorists hate our freedom? Maybe it’s because this is what we’ve thought to do with it.” And stay out of his way: “Some egg-head tells me I should eat only four or five ounces of meat at a meal? Must be a socialist! A freedom-hating, pinko queer! He can eat his tiny tofu Commie salad in Canada.”
(More KFC stories.)