Want Shakespeare-Style Lebowski? You're in Luck

If “the Dude abides” isn’t Shakespearean enough for you, a young filmmaker has just the thing: Two Gentleman of Lebowski, a script that retells The Big Lebowski in a Bard-like fashion. So, instead of Walter saying the John Turturro character Jesus “served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an 8-year-old,” we get this gem: “Two seasons has he idled in prison for exposing his manhood to a pageboy.”

Entertainment Weekly has more of the script, in which the Dude is renamed “the Knave.” You’ll recall the scene in which a thug holds up the Dude’s bowling ball, asks “What the f--- is this?” and gets “Obviously you’re not a golfer” in reply. Transmogrified, it reads like this: BLANCHE: Villainy! Why this confounded orb, such as men use to play at ninepins; what devilry, these holes in holy trinity? THE KNAVE: Obviously thou art not a golfer. (More Jeff Bridges stories.)