Here's Who to Root for on DWTS

If you can't be bothered to watch Dancing With the Stars—and who can, really?—New York has picked your fave for you based on an easy matchup of superficial qualities. If you're:

• Over 65: Astronaut Buzz Aldrin is your man.
• A woman between 25 and 35: Shannen Doherty, natch.
• A teenage boy: Who but Pamela Anderson?

• A man or a teenage girl: Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls.
• A jingoist or a gay teenager: American figure skater and Olympic gold medalist Evan Lysacek.
• Someone who hates Jon Gosselin: Kate Gosselin.
• A nostalgic Floridian: Former Gators dancer and ESPN reporter Erin Andrews.
• A Bengals fan, people who love learning numbers in foreign languages: Chad Ochocinco.

That should just about cover everyone in America, but to see the rest of the contestants, click here.
(More Dancing with the Stars stories.)