The GOP wants to cut funding for Planned Parenthood, even though, as Jon Stewart pointed out last night, the “vast majority of Planned Parenthood services are not abortion-related.” But, Rep. Mike Pence has argued, by funding its non-abortion services, we’re really just freeing up cash to be used on abortions. And Daily Show correspondent Kristen Schaal agrees. In fact, as far as she’s concerned, these cuts “don’t go far enough. Our taxes are going to abortions in ways no one is even talking about.”
For example, we need to defund fire departments (“What if an abortion clinic catches fire and firefighters put it out? Paving the way for more abortions!”), the FAA (“Mile-High Club. Number one cause of unwanted pregnancies between Newark and LAX.”), and even NASA (“Space abortions.”). In fact, Schaal wonders, “How can Mike Pence be sure that when he pays money for something, that it won’t ultimately go to pay for an abortion?” There’s only one way to be sure: StorkBucks, “a pro-life currency that can’t be spent on anything having to do with abortion”—including, apparently, coffee. Find out why in the video. (More Kristen Schaal stories.)
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