Sheen: Goddess Dumped Me ... Via Text

Human torpedo of truth Charlie Sheen was in Ft. Lauderdale last night dropping bombshells: specifically, that he'd lost a goddess, reports the Hollywood Reporter. Sheen told the audience of 2,500 that "Goddess" Rachel "Bree" Oberlin had dumped him—via text, no less. Later, asked how he handled two women at a time, Sheen responded: "Not well, because one left." Other tidbits from the show:

• On Lindsay Lohan: "I would hug her and let her know it's gonna be OK," he said, adding that he'd like to hang with her for 24 hours.
• On Two and a Half Men: "I got fired for being a genius." And, from Friday's show, notes USA Today): "with your support, with a room filled with love, we are going to get my job back.''
• On Emilio Estevez's current projects: "Men At Work 2 and Mighty Ducks 4."

(More Charlie Sheen stories.)