Colbert: No Way Am I Paying More for Papa John's

Stephen Colbert is outraged by the news that ObamaCare could increase the cost of Papa John's pizza by a whopping 14 cents. "People will not pay another cent" for the pies, Colbert asserted last night, "because when you order a Papa John's pizza, it's only after you've reached a state of such desperate, gnawing hunger that you would eat the ass off a raccoon that drowned in your birdbath." Rather than pay the extra nickels "for this hot turd pie," Colbert suggests we all simply "eat the nickels—you have your dignity!" As for the price of health care, "there has to be a line we do not cross," he says. "And it's 14 cents." (More Stephen Colbert stories.)