Boy's Big Genitals Land Him in Jail

In Russia's criminal justice system, size matters. And unfortunately, that means exactly what you think it means. A poor lad named Tomas discovered this after he moved from Ukraine to Moscow to live with his aunt and was soon accused of stealing a cell phone, reports UPI. The kid claims to be 13, but a skeptical court ordered a physical exam that included a look at his private parts. Doctors then estimated his age to be 16 or 17. The distinction matters, because the courts can now treat him as an adult, explains the Moscow Times. A judge promptly threw Tomas in jail.

The boy's relatives are protesting, saying that he got into the country with Ukraine documents that prove he's not lying, and the case is reportedly under review by the regional prison service. Tomas insists he's innocent of the theft, too, which, if true, would mean that he's in jail for a really, really bad reason. (To be fair, doctors also examined his teeth, so the decision might not have rested on genitals alone.) "Could it be a case of Russia trying to flex its muscles and make an example of the boy amid its ongoing conflict with Ukraine?" asks a post at Death and Taxes. "Or is Russia’s legal system really this backward? Either way, things don’t look great for Tomas." (Meanwhile, a Seattle doctor's genitals have landed him in hot water.)