Raise the Roof: 5 Craziest Crimes of the Week

There's ripping someone off—and then there's ripping off their roof. The latter happened recently, and bizarrely, in New Mexico, placing it atop this week's crop of crazy crimes:

• Mystery Thieves Steal Guy's Roof: It's a theft so bizarre even police had trouble believing it. Cory Archuleta says he stepped outside his Albuquerque home Saturday only to realize that all the shingles on his roof had been torn off—and cleaned up. Neighbors say a work crew in a silver pickup truck with a flat-bed trailer had removed the roof over the preceding two days, but "nobody knows who they are." Archuleta has a theory.
• Cops Find $24M Stashed in Suspect's Wall: Luis Hernandez-Gonzalez runs a successful gardening store in Miami-Dade, but not quite successful enough to explain the $24 million cops found stashed in his wall. The 44-year-old was charged with offenses including money laundering and marijuana trafficking after police found the cash stuffed in 5-gallon Home Depot buckets in a secret compartment guarded by this statuette.

• Kid's 'Racist' Brownie Remark Brings Cops to 3rd-Grade Party: At a third-grade party at New Jersey's Collingswood's William P. Tatem Elementary School, a student made a remark about brownies at the festivities, and another student said the comment was "racist." The next thing everyone knew, the school had called the police, and the boy who made the comment was being interrogated by an officer, per the boy's mom. The hubbub can apparently be traced to a May meeting in which the Camden County Prosecutor's office gave cops this order regarding local schools.
• Tables Turn on Bat-Wielding Burglary Suspect: A man accused of breaking into a home in Sarasota County, Fla., probably won't have the urge to head to the batting range anytime soon. North Port police say 33-year-old Noah Jess Dassat broke into the home of a married couple with three kids last week, and he was ready to go on the attack with the baseball bat he brought with him. Once he was inside the home, he went after a man inside, cops say—but the resident embraced him in a bear hug. The warm fuzzies ended there.
• Judge Bans 10-Year-Old Girl From Playing Golf: So there's no crime involved in this one, but there is a courtroom and plenty of craziness. A Virginia judge has banned a 10-year-old golf prodigy … from playing golf. The unnamed girl has won 11 of the past 12 youth tournaments she's played in and even took first place in an all-ages women's competition. But the girl has also been the subject of a seven-year custody battle between her parents. At the most recent hearing this month, Judge Jeanette Irby ruled the girl can't play in any tournaments. And that's not all.

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