Energy Drinks: The Manic Lure of Liquid Uppers

Energy drinks are experiencing such a boom that every group seems to have its own—like the Christian “1 in 3 Trinity” beverage, “fused with both ‘fruit of the spirit’ and 1000 mg of taurine,” writes Julia Langbein for Gourmet. Drink makers “obviously want to get them into the hands of everyday people, not just those brave few that razor-scooter out of a whale’s blowhole for a living.”

But the real question is, “Who needs this violent quality of energy?” Is anyone’s daily life really as intense as the drink slogans make them out to be? Langbein considered real life exchanges through the lens of an energy drink:

• “Julia, can I get you a coffee?” “No, I have a ton of editing to do, I need the venom of a Death Adder which has the power to strike back.”
• “How about an espresso then?” “I will bite you in your neck if you do not leave me immediately to the challenges of my intense life.”

(More Jay-ZTV stories.)