Tiger Woods: Great Golfer, Lousy Sexter

The sexts Joslyn James says Tiger Woods sent her have been released, and they certainly reveal that the golfer is “a nasty freak.” But “the real sticking point here is that he can't spell,” writes Mary Elizabeth Williams. “When Woods writes, 'I know you have tried every positing imaginable but what turns you on besides a dp,' I'm thinking, I know what DP is, but positing? Damn you, autocorrect!” The bottom line? “When it comes to texting, he's just as lame and awkward as any other booty-calling goofus on the planet.”

It probably wasn't James' intention, but what she actually illustrates is how “painfully graceless text is as a true tool of erotic communication,” Williams writes for Salon. “When the talk gets porny—even when, as in Tiger's case, one is actually sexting with a porn star—things almost inevitably sound ludicrous.” Case in point: When he’s not texting James about sex, he’s texting her about his lunch order: “That's sexting for you—porn-movie-style commands about slapping your little whore, bad grammar, and sandwiches.”
(More Tiger Woods stories.)